Dating Scene 2022

Becoming a widow at 36 years old was something I had never even thought would happen to me…not in a million years…

When I downloaded the first Dating App on my phone, it was…scary.

It was a scary endeavor and still something that I am very unsure about.

When I think about how judgemental people might be about me, I wanted to just hide. Hide in my room and under my blanket and maybe cry my days away.

The guilt - is a strange thing to navigate. I miss him desperately, I cry whenever something triggers, but I also don’t want to be like this forever. Not that I am looking to rebound, but I want to have an option and someone to fall back on if needed. Is that wrong?

If I don’t try to move forward, when is the right time to? Am I trying too early because I’m desperate or should I just wait because the norm for grieving says it will be years before anyone is ready? Who dictates when is it the right time, when is it too soon, and when is a person ready to take one step forward?

I have always been a person that does things my own way, I don’t exactly fit into the normal standard. I don’t regret my choices because I truly believe that he gave me the best love and the type of relationship that I have always envisioned for myself. I just wished I could have that longer …or forever.

I wanted to say that I don’t want to look for another love like that…but I realized it’s more that I don’t think I will be able to find a love like that. I am doubtful that I can be that lucky that many times.
Do I want to get married again? At this point, I don’t think so. Maybe now I understand why some people say getting married is optional, accompanying each other might be just enough if both parties are satisfied with that. I don’t know, maybe it is just too early in the process and I can’t imagine having someone else being my life partner - my husband.