Recoil

I’ve suddenly decided to back out from M…the love the care I’ve been receiving feels burdensome, I feel pressured, I feel like I HAVE to return it…which by all means I would like to but at times, it feels overwhelming…he meant it with love and care, but I’m suffocating and I want to hide.

I’m sure this came as a surprise for him because it was for me as well.

I can’t quite face myself when I see how much M wants this to work…it is not that he is forcing me to accept it. But because I DO care about him, I feel like I have to…I know that’s all on me but it is what it is for now. I don’t want to hurt or disappoint him but yet, I think, I’m not quite ready…

I already feel the ‘shadow’ creeping in this month…so I do fear November and December.

I’m sorry… for those who wish for more from me…I’m not capable to provide that at this moment.