Rejection?

Honestly, at this point, I have to laugh at myself…

Rejection or not, I think I’m perfectly fine with that. I think for the most part of it, I’m being honest with my emotional state and if anyone is unwilling to ride that rollercoaster with me, I completely understand.

It is sort of selfish of me to be hoping for these people to be there while I push and pull them whenever I want…I push them away when grief struck and when I feel like I don’t want to handle more but I also don’t want to let them go because in some ways, I think I’m afraid of being alone.

Now, alone, I think I’m ok with it now…for the last few months, I’ve been thinking and digging deeper into myself…do I need that? I talked to my mom today and I asked the same question…while I agree how my mom feels that it is always good to have someone that understands and willing to be there for you, I also can’t help but to wonder if I really need or want this… “This” whole ordeal of accepting a person into my life and making decisions and considerations that involves more than 1 person…

I feel that I have really limited energy to be someone else’s gf after dealing with work and kids and all…I put anything else last…M gives me his 100% effort while I could barely give him my 30%.

Honesty huh, I think it is important and also almost like a slap to my face when someone tells me that maybe the timing is just a little off…lol…I get it, no worries, I’m too much for you to handle and I get it. No offense taken - I promise.

So I guess that’s my cue to say, I wish you all the best and I sincerely believe that he is a great person and if things were to be different and if timing were to be slightly different, yes, maybe it could work…but as of now, i think we are both drawing a full stop.