Right vs. Wrong
Just the other day, I told someone…this is just wrong.
The ‘this’ in that particular context has nothing to do with dating or grief or my situation. But, what I wanted to point out is that I view it was Black and White, Right vs Wrong. I wanted things to be fair (for everyone), I wanted everything I do or see to be morally right or accepted.
Do you know who is confided in and talked about when it comes to stepping into the dating scene?
My 13 yr old daughter.
Now before anyone judge me or say this is wrong, which frankly, you can because its your opinion, but all this just happened naturally.
I was on the dating app for awhile, talked to different people and some I enjoyed a little more but nothing too serious. I chose to announce I’m a widow on the profile and I did not hide the fact that I am a widow with 2 children. My kids are part of me, there’s just no other way around. After several weeks, I sort of just narrowed down to Y because conversations were natural, he was thoughtful and he was patient. I wont reveal where we met online because it is a controversial site and of course I was there because I was at a crossroad in my life and decided to do something really different.
So how he eventually continued to talk to me and continued to care was a little unexpected. I think I’m a sucker for a person who actually spend time to write to me online. Like actually write. J did that and I basically fell for him. Y wrote me a long message (maybe its a typical message he had prepared for anyone, who knows) but I decided to reply and let him know that I’m actually not living at where my profile says. I don’t want to mislead him and I don’t think where I’m actually living at is something he is looking for. Honestly, I thought that would be the end of it.
Y replied. Wanting to find out more and of course suggested that if I ever come down to NJ area, we could meet up have a cup of coffee and get a feel of each other. I thought, well, the chances of that happening is not high and I was very uncertain if I would actually go through this date invitation. Y continued to chat with me (although he mentioned that he is not looking forward for long back and forth messaging and prefer meeting in his message and profile).
Look, that wasn’t going to happen with me, I’m like 3 states away from where he is at.
The logical thing to do was for him to stop communicating with me. Especially with me announcing I’m a widow and so far away. Technically I LIED on my profile to say I am in NJ area. I was upfront that he should never feel obligated to continue to chat with me.
There was nothing exciting or crazy with our chat on that site. I only check that site to respond every now and then (I really struggled with my action of joining that site). So naturally my replies where slower as well, same for him i guess. He suggested to move our conversation over to text messaging. He gave me his number so I thought - why not.
My instinct tells me he started to develop feelings/ interest but who am I to say that when this is 2022 dating online. I don’t know. and many questions came to my mind…can this even be happening? what are his intentions? but things kept going. One day I told my daughter that there’s these few men interested in me and I wanted to see her reaction. I didn’t want to do anything that would upset my kids so I tested.
She was very interested and wanted to know more. So I started to talk about it a little more and mentioned maybe I should meet Y in person. She was more than encouraging but I kept checking in with her if she is really ok. She looked at me and basically told me to go for it.
Y asked about what my kids liked, what food do they like, what are they doing - he showed interest and I think that scored some points with my daughter.
I told my daughter I am unsure, I told her how I feel and what I’ve said to Y…I wanted her to also learn and know when it comes to her own relationship, maybe, maybe she can have more knowledge on what to do. I told her I value honesty, if I am unsure, I do my best to bring the topic up because at this point of my life - I don’t think we are that young to play games anymore. So I told her I’ve set the rules at the beginning that Y & I need to be honest and I can’t do guessing games.
There’s more to it that I wanted to talk about but I think this is long enough… Maybe later today or tomorrow.