Update 5/19

Things had been quite crazy lately and I’ve decided that I need to stop thinking too much and evaluating everything because….its just mentally tiring.

Maybe I just need to stop wondering if this is right or wrong…

Why do I care what other people think of me? Does it matter to them?

It is MY life and my decision.

I’ve lived for J and for my kids…I’ve always put them first, willingly because they are worth my time and my love.

As of now, I need to remind myself that I need to put myself first too… I need to allow myself to be human as well. Simply because theres NO ONE (other than my parents & family member) that would put me first now…J is no longer there to be the one who would put me first. Instead of hoping for someone to do that for me, I should do it for myself. I struggle with this idea because I feel like its selfish to do so…

I spontaneously decided to make an appointment for haircut and maybe hair coloring. Do I have any clue what I want my hair cut to be or hair color? Honestly - NO. That’s sort of how my life had been, no idea and no clue.

I’ve book air ticket to go to Washington State in June as well, I think traveling alone without kids might be good for me.

I feel like I’m crazy lately… I don’t know.